After every disappearance I make a point to be better. I insist that I'll prioritize more; that I'll simply try harder. I'm being honest when I say these things and I do follow these statements well for a time. Inevitably though...I fail.
Many culprits have aided me in this. Procrastination is a big visitor to my house. I don't like him. I know he's bad for me, but I still always let him in. Then there's Laziness (Procrastination's friend since high school). He calls at least once a day, but doesn't strive as hard for my attention as Procrastination does. He recognizes that Procrastination and I have a long time, on-again-off-again thing going on and doesn't really bother.
Then there's RPG...
He's trouble in blue jeans-- or rather, level 62 Elf Armor. He never sticks around long, as he prefers his visits to be fast and dirty. It starts with a few teasing messages and then the next thing I know, we've been up all night together. I'm dehydrated, exhausted, and hungry. That's never the end of it though. He sticks around for a few days for repeat sessions. Then, like a bad habit, he's out the door and out of my life. At least, until he rolls back into town. And I know he always will.
Though these are my biggest problems, they are only the tip of the iceberg. Family and Work always play a part. Procrastination and Laziness love to come around when they've been in my life for the day.
Some people might say that these aren't culprits; they are excuses. Maybe they are. Maybe they aren't. They are reasons. They are traits. They're parts of me that will never fade away because they make up the whole of who I am. Though I try to improve upon them, I still accept them.
I will not end this...whatever this is...by making false promises. I will try to be better, but at some point, I will fail. The only thing I can say with any amount of certainty is that Perfection will never be a visitor to my house-- not even as a weekend fling.